Modeling the Behavior You Want to See: Teaching Through Example
Children learn best by watching the people around them. In Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), modeling is a powerful strategy to teach new skills, increase appropriate behaviors, and encourage social interactions—especially for young children with autism. If we want children to use kind words, ask for help, or respect personal space, we need to demonstrate those behaviors ourselves.
Why Modeling Works
Many children with autism benefit from observational learning, where they acquire new behaviors by watching others. When caregivers, teachers, and therapists model appropriate behavior, children are more likely to imitate and internalize those skills.
How to Model Desired Behaviors
- Use the language you want them to use: Instead of telling a child to say “please,” model it yourself. “Can I have the puzzle, please?” gives them a real-life example.
- Ask for permission: If we want children to respect personal boundaries, we should model it first. “Can I give you a high five?” teaches them that asking for consent is expected. Try doing this throughout the day whenever you don’t mind a refusal. For example, “Can I use the blue crayon, please?” If the child says no, model respectfully accepting that response. “Ok! I think I’ll use purple instead.” “Can I have a bite of your snack?” “That’s ok, maybe next time!”
- Apologize when appropriate: Show children that saying “I’m sorry” is part of positive interactions. “Oops, I knocked over your blocks. I’m sorry! Let me help fix it.” This teaches responsibility and empathy.
- Narrate your own actions: Children may not always pick up on subtle social cues, so explicitly describe what you’re doing. “I’m waiting my turn because my friend is playing right now.”
- Pair modeling with prompting and reinforcement: If a child doesn’t immediately imitate the behavior, use gentle prompting (e.g., “Your turn to ask for a toy!”) and reinforce their attempt.
Using Modeling for Social & Communication Skills
Modeling is especially useful for teaching:
✅ Turn-taking in play
✅ Using greetings and responses (e.g., “Hi, how are you?”)
✅ Apologizing when making a mistake
✅ Emotional regulation (e.g., deep breathing when frustrated)
✅ Social problem-solving (e.g., “I don’t like that. Can we try something else?”)
Children absorb more than we realize, so the way we speak, interact, and handle situations serves as a direct learning opportunity for them. By consistently modeling the behaviors we want to see, we create an environment where learning happens naturally and effectively.
Try it today! Choose one behavior to model consistently, and watch how children begin to mirror your actions. Using the same or a similar script consistently modeled for your learner could help them pick up on the behavior faster!
